Salacious cynicism or cynical salaciousness

 23 April 2022

2am

I can't sleep. Not because I drank coffee. I've been doing so since Tuesday until Saturday morning, courtesy of Gab preparing his brews.

Rica earns her money from her sugar daddy. That works well, especially since she feels sexually frustrated for the surgery that would dewomanize her.

I was surprised with myself too that I am enticed by the thought of selling soiled underwear to the perverts out there, a pair for 25 dollars. That's a hefty rate. It's relatively hassle free. I simply have to wear underwear then ship them off to someone who wants them however baffled that makes me.

I remember asking Vish how buying used underwear works. She said it has something to do with being more sensually into masturbating. What worried me was that to sell those goods, I had to create a brand: post photos that could help prospects to complete the conditions simulating sexual stimulation. That was a deterrent. I have no intentions of posting myself almost naked or in suggestive poses to sell goods.

What ticks me off more with this advertisement prerequisite is that I am not only enabling, but abetting perversity. My moral standards on this are muted. It is not gray in a room of black and white. It is beige, and can be altered.

Technically, it is not engaging in sexual acts. Or committing extramarital affairs. There would be no direct contact at all. Only an illusion of one. People who consciously agree to dupe themselves and are willing to pay for it. I am cashing on merchandise that fulfills people's fantasies. People who are far far away from me. And of course, I would not be buck naked. Nor would I give in to stripping completely in those photos.

I'll simply be selling clothes with my body fluids which in my mind is as bizarre as knowing that people want to pay for my urine or a shirt I sweat on. Those I find in the same category as shipping underpants worn for an entire day without washing it first, is acceptable but as bonkers as having your smelly socks auctioned. The implication of the permission that you hand over to people to think as they wish of your persona, that is my moral dilemma.

Aside from this moral ponderance, by principle, I am just peeved that selling the product requires an image to propel it. I want to preserve my anonymity in relation to this as much as possible and I am not adept in posing per se, how could I project it when I do not even feel myself as a full woman? It is a challenge which, I would not lie, I am up to.

If only it isn't distasteful for me. I still prefer posting announcements: soiled panties for sale.

Then comes the revelation. My sister has been sending nudes. Not only photos. I guess she's been sending videos too. She's being blackmailed for it. I did not loan her the ransom fee. Not too long after I received a photo of her from the perpetrator. Knowing that she has those photos out there is one thing. Seeing it made me mentally mute. She really did it. What has she gotten into?

Now, the shock has waned. I keep on thinking, there are many photos and videos of naked women out there consciously being part of porn. Surely, she won't stand out. The same way not everyone would read this entry and I could go on with this with minimal consequences, a parallel to running a radio program on a frequency only I am privy to. I am starting to envision that in the future, sending nude selfies and posting ads on YouTube-as-their-progenitor sites selling week-old aged panties would be commonplace.