11 May 2013
What is the best way to make use of sorrow? To quote from
Daniel Padullo (That is no typo there, Daniel Padullo is my sister’s classmate
who happened to be my elementary classmate’s younger brother.), “When life
throws you lemons, make orange juice!” It is my responsibility to produce
something out of everything-loneliness included.
I keep on wondering why I am boring and solemn. When would
both qualities get warranted as interesting other than to be among the list of
qualities to avoid?
Paulo was on the same queue I was in. I initiated the
conversation. I was at ease around him. Without him knowing it, he has inspired
me to always emerge through constant rejection. He is more refined now. A
sentient silence surrounds him. He sounded wiser.
Can’t help compare that I am not the way he is. I am not
ready with life. It is launching me to misery. I am at my end. Hopefully it be
the end of a rainbow not the end of my life. What is my calling really? There
are no definite plans in my life. Ah. I do not want to stay in limbo.
Now that I’ve known firsthand how happiness is essential for
productivity, I am for it. May peace be with me. May it cover the mantle of the
earth. May its badge and crest be stamped at the posts of my household.
I’m diminishing as a human. My eyelids are Droopy’s. I lack
inspiration. What more do I need to be motivated?
I am afforded a peek at the wide world. Am I turning my back
to it?
I’m shattered to pieces. How can I function well, I broke
Asimov’s rule for robots. I’m no robot but temporal sense dictates that I
should be okay lest everything that will come out of me is broken. Am I
Anderson’s delusional firecracker?
Asked now what my work is, I would answer: give others a
hard time. June and Paul might think I am getting off easy by letting them do
the job. I don’t want to be a freeloader. It pains me whenever they have to
take over what little I am doing. This makes me think more than ten times over
if I have to continue letting them take pains for me. Jesus already suffered
for me. Why should others suffer for me as well? This is a pressing issue. I do
not want to inflict others pain. It seems impossible not to; it’s the cost we
pay to live.
My mind and my emotions don’t merge. I would be of no help
to anyone unless I am complete.
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