A Call to Gratefulness

24 December 2012

The way I see things is in that greedy mind set. My contortionist brain fosters at the same time as that those of poverty and miserly and prideful, a greedy mind set. How could I not speak openly before people about the truth just because I find it distasteful? Why am I always at trouble about my lot in life when I am not actually the most depraved person on earth? That would be a greedy mind set. Because I do not have the best of everything there is, I consider what I have as dole outs or oppression. But can’t I see in the first place that I have something and that something I have will always be something that has been given to me, something that I would never be able to pay for completely? Why couldn’t I simply and purely concentrate on thanksgiving since no amount of effort from me would ever be able to pay for whatever it is that I have right now?

My sister Sam is on the heavy side. I was sitting sideways our dining table bench, grating coconut meat for our fruit salad with my knees to my chest. She told me she wanted to be able to do what I was doing. I invited her to sit and grate coconut meat with me. Sam laughed her boisterous laugh at me. What she meant by what she said was that she dreamt of being able in the future to sit with her knees to her chest, under her chin. That simple pose that I do absent-mindedly was something other people actually dream of being able to do. Am I not blessed at that? 

How would I not be blessed when even as I deny myself all throughout my college days, people around me find ways of meeting my needs and even providing me with luxury – free meals, movie views, extravagant gifts, free tabs on expensive food.

This year alone, I have a lot to thank. Personally, one miracle of the year would be that I passed the medical technologist exam. My application for license would have to be next year, I have to earn yet for that. Then I started trying to apply for employment and got responsive employers.

The most unexpected of all was my having to live in Cz’s condo unit free of rental fees. Because I still live there by myself (I am still looking for house mates), I pay solely for the association fees, water and electricity bills. The place is fully furnished and I should be enjoying it but I am stressing out.

There are surely lots to thank personally but I will reserve them for my prayers. I am grateful for all that has happened this year – from storms to killings, famine and boxing belts and crown earned. I am going to learn to be thankful. Before, I was blessed to see that every creation I happen to chance on and perceive was a cause of joy, something to be grateful for but it wasn’t tested then; merely a fancy that enabled me to smile senselessly. Then I was showed the side of life I only knew from others; I experienced suffering and destitution I never would’ve opted to go through. I felt how crippling poverty is if you let it get to you. Not only will you lose hope and breed envy, you will refuse to act and desire change, thinking of the present as something that should be maintained because it is already desirable or because at least it is known to you – an ill founded homeostasis. Much worse it is to be resigned to the current state because of deeming it as an inescapable prison. But the matter is disputable.

If I could bear poverty not by my own grace, but by that that could only be given freely and received fully, I am sure I have helped other people somehow. As I said before, I believe that when you do something, you enable other people to achieve the same state just as I think the principles we now consider theories come to us easily because the idea had already been conceived in the minds of others before us. This notion convinces me further that even if the people of before haven’t thought of that before, somehow we will get to know it. Alongside that, the more people believe a thought, the more possible it is for other people to receive those thoughts.