Strength of Mind

26 January 2013

My current employment involves psychological warfare. That stresses me out. Sometimes I feel as if I'm being under a scripted reality tv spoof.


I am used to being alone when I work even if I'm by myself, it's cheerful, I have my sounds on and I can sing out loud. I am free to murmur or even talk aloud to myself. If it be teamwork, I'm used to a cheerful atmosphere at work. But the tension in the air is as if we're in an operating room and worse there's nothing I have to wait for or work on to ease it off. There's just no indicator when it's off. It's just there, without me having any access at all to the controls. Have I imposed it again or does it really exist? Am I being oversensitive, calling out "Wolf!"?


Strained working relationships are strenous and tedious. Always have to think that my words are seminal for them. When to me they're ephemeral; a means to an end, not an end in itself. It's all very complicated. Where will my spontaneity go?


Haven't even had a quarter of a year to enjoy that freedom of expression which cultivates spontaneity and I'm forced to not prune it but uproot it? I won't let that be. I will surround myself with people who let me be who I am.


Gabriyhel just placed stickers on her guitar. She spelled my name out in it too :) Thanks Lord for sending people in my life who will let me be myself and would make room for the real me. I am grateful for the patience of these people for putting up with me: Micai, Dave, Jem and Donn Jefferson Atienza when I needed someone to hear me out and someone to talk to.


Thank you as well for placing these people before me with their honesty and hearts outstretched to me, reminding me that being vulnerable by honesty and, understanding and acceptance make people more human.


People are different and as they are out there to challenge your be-ing, they should not shake you out of yourself, pushing you into lowered self-esteem and depreciated self-worth.


As iron sharpens iron, so does a friend sharpens a friend. - that's from the Bible :))