Facebook and statuses

26 January 2013

To pass my time and somehow convince myself that I have a life other than work, which I still am not doing well, I decided to scan my facebook account. Why does it seem that the lives of other people are happier, livelier, more satisfying and well-lived than mine based on their fb accounts?


I accidentally came int a younger person's fb account. We hail from the same high school and he's still studying in the same university I went to. I was looking at his photos but I stopped after a while. He looks so good I'm starting to like him. That shouldn't be. I should not like people for their looks or their manners. And he's younger than I am. I would just categorize that admiration as the same as what I have for people I don't know like movie stars. But the truth that somehow he's within reach is pressing. He may even feign of not knowing me. His world is different now.


Is it possible to recapture relationships that were not sustained at all through the years or should changes that come with time override a party, preventing real communication? Why should they let life's changes get through them? They do. I can't get Bless out of my mind's eye for this.


I was also stalking through a high school batchmate's fb account and thought that her life has fluorished a lot since I last saw her. Nothing seemed to change in mine. Can't help but compare. But I shouldn't. My lot is different from theirs. I have to calm out my heart and deal with what's before me; being happy for other people's lives, not envying theirs or being sorry for my own situation only because their lives appeared better.


Still have to find other ways of earning money. I have been informed that there's not much financial security from my current work. Switching jobs is not an potion. Just have to find other ways to earn.


Seems I have office work set-up culture shock. I work better in the office when no one's there other than me. When I'm alone I become livelier and can work better. Other people's presence seems pressure enough for me.


How would I know if other people are really listening or if my message really gets through them?  I still can't decide if and when someone's talking if I am included in the conversation or not. I'm still not adept in those parts. Have I been so much alone I can't connect to people anymore?


Why would people listen to my thoughts when I was confused that this : is the colon, not the semi-colon? How would I be entrusted then of more work that would lead to a higher salary? But I guess because my co-workers are over-responsible, they rather do it on their own. They're my superiors and seniors. More likely their decisions would stand than my suggestions because they've got more experience in this and because they know better. 


Worked out the entirety of yesterday for an article for submission to journals. People answering the phone can be so rude. It is not definite confirmation but they said the schedule for accepting articles was way past Jan 15. I was working for nothing. I still did it anyway. Besides there were particulars in the journal requirements that I was panicky about. Paul was not able to allay my doubts about it.


Yesterday, both June and Paul were stressed out. I don't know how I would be of help to them. I have already reiterated that they could delegate some of their tasks to me. But of course they rather would not because that meant more work for them. It is different if you were the one materializing your ideas than in making other people understand how you want them to do it.


I am wondering why fearless gets more reads than this. I write them both.